YOU are NOT a Model.

Everybody with a face thinks that they are a model. It's almost as if there is an epidemic of people in denial of how they actually look. Would it be cool to travel the world modeling for Louis Vuitton, get free fur jackets and go to VIP parties? Yes, it would be cool. But, around the same time I was nicknamed "The Beaver," for my SLIGHTLY two front protruding teeth, I came to terms with the fact that I was an average looking human being. I always knew I would probably earn a most comfortable living by working behind the scenes. In other words, if I were on set with Gisele Bundchen, she would be the one modeling and I would be the one windexing her vanity mirror or shaving her armpits. I'm okay with this. However, there's a disturbingly large population of girls in and around my age group that think just because they have headshots and were once cast as an extra in a local commercial advertising Hyundai Sonata's, they're a part of the model elite. Unfortunately for them, the fact is that if you don't start modeling before age sixteen, you have as good of a chance making it as a model as Betty White does making it to the centerfold of Playboy. So you're probably not a model if...

1) You're paying someone to LET you model for them. 

2) You're under 5'10'' (Kate Moss, you're alright.)

3) You wear Uggs. 

4) Your cheekbones aren't sharp enough to cut a slice of cake.

5) You eat powdered sugar instead of snorting it.

6) You model in front of a green screen and then post the pictures to Facebook.

7) Your thighs have met.

8) You think your a model.

Please, for the sake of humanity, don't buy a moderately expensive camera, ask an unwilling friend to go out into the wilderness of your suburbanite town, make them take pictures of you and then call it modeling. The only thing these pictures are good for is a laugh. So, maybe in that case, keep "modeling" and posting the pictures for people to see. After all, I like to laugh.