I'm really on the fence here. I can't decide whether I'm a man-hating, bra burning, Croc-wearing feminist, or if I'm the anti-feminist. The thing is, I hate one major thing about men (the control they assume they have over women), but I hate a thousand minor things about women. So, in my quest to understand my stance on feminism, I'm going to go through the shitstorm of reasons that it sucks not only to be a woman, but also to have to associate with women in general.
Women and photography:
If you happen to be a stranger that has been asked by a group of men to take their picture, you're in luck and it will take about 5 seconds of your time. Now, if you've been asked by a group of women to take their picture, you better have about an hour to spare, an extra roll of film and the patience of a special ed teacher. They will need to see the picture after you take it. I guarantee that they will want another picture taken immediately. And even though you counted 1..2..3..., one woman will shout out that she wasn't ready. Another woman will scream to you that she was blinking. After about the 6th photo, the women will gather around the camera and engage in some self-depreciating humor. "Good thing I look like a beached whale."
Women and the bathroom:
Doesn't matter where you are. You could be at the movie theater, a house party or a baseball game. The women's restroom will always have a longer line than the men's. BUT WHY?! I have no definite answer to this question. I only have theories. One of my theories is that women tend to be more self-concious than men. After they go to the bathroom, they spend an a good few minutes in front of the mirror fixing their hair and make-up. Another reason is that women tend to be cleaner than men. If toilet seat covers are not provided, women will construct their own out of toilet paper, bobby pins and hair spray.
Women and Facebook: There is an old quote that says you can tell a persons soul through their eyes. For women, you can tell a persons soul their their Facebook activity. I'm thinking of starting a service where I hand out journals and numbers of therapists to all of the girls who treat Facebook like their own personal diary.
Reoccurring status' and personal favorites:
"ON TO THE NEXT ONE."
What it actually means: You have been dumped, ignored, cheated on or blown off by the guy you like and it's probably eating you up on the inside. BUT ON TO THE NEXT ONE.
"I hate dumb sluts."
- A status made by a dumb slut that will be liked by other dumb sluts.
"I hate girls."
-a status made by a girl who apparently hates her vagina but hasn't saved up enough money for that sex change. If a guy made this his status, he would be subjected to gay jokes for years to come.
quotes about loving their "haters."
-the girl probably developed quicker than her classmates, started giving blow jobs too early and earned herself a bad reputation. Other girls and their mothers hate her because of this. This girl really doesn't love her haters. She's probably very sad that so many people dislike her.
quotes about being in love
.....mostly made by girls who aren't in love or in a relationship.
Women and sex: There must be some sort of fluid that leaks into a female during sex. I'm not talking about semen. It's a chemical that turns girls into crazy bitches. What is it about sex that transforms independent women into slimy leeches that cling to their partners? Not to come down on sex or anything, but is an activity that can be represented using a donut and a hotdog really all that serious?
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We appear to be the queens of unadmirable qualities. Queens of hypocrisy, of self-loating, of shallow sex, of vanity, of manipulation, of back handed compliments and of over-analyzing.
And they appear to be the kings of shotgunning beers, of cocky attitudes, of date rape, of domestic abuse, of sexist jokes, of creepy dancing and of "make me a sandwich woman."
But because we have friends and relationships and feel love and laugh really hard, it must be true that people are not all bad. I bet even Jeffery Dahmer had a puppy he loved and a favorite snack.
Between the life of the feminist and the life of the anti-feminist, ill settle into the sand of this no mans land and be happy here for a little while.
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