4 whores, 1 viewer, 0 winners.

Before you judge me, please understand this: There is absolutely nothing to watch on t.v after 3am. I had to choose between the George Lopez talk show, Kathy Lee Griffin stand-up and Sex and the City 2. I chose to watch Sex and the City 2. Now, you can judge me. Actually, if you have the mental and emotional strength to withstand an hour of kathy lee's stand-up at any volume higher than 0, you can judge anyone. 

As insomnia would have it, I stayed awake for the full 2 hour movie. After listening to every failed punch-line and menial white girl complaint, I came to one conclusion; It is extremely important that you watch every Sex in the city episode and movie....if you want to end up alone. How these 4 nagging whores kept audiences watching for around a decade is a mystery so complex that it makes black holes and the Bermuda triangle seem understandable. 

It's really hard to appreciate the beauty of the city the women are staying in, Abu Dhabi, because of this horrible screeching noise in the background. At first I thought it was a recording of aids orphans being killed, but then I realized it was just the sound of these women complaining. As the women walk on the beach and eat lunch at 5-star restaurants, they are each complaining about something. "I'm not horny because I'm going through menopause/my book got a bad review and my husband seems distant/Harry didn't answer my text/I'm not fun enough at work." They all sigh and they all cry and unfortunately, none of them die. 

Throughout the movie, the women make ignorant comments about the hijabs that the native women are wearing, calling them embarrassing and degrading. They criticize these women as if their lives of fucking any guy who isn't homeless in NYC and making others listen to the problems of the privileged is a superior means of living. 

After the 300th outfit change, I was about to call it quits, but for some reason I didn't change the channel. I'm going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say that my sleep depravation made me delusional. 

Later that night, I dreamt of 4 large vaginas chasing me through soho. What a nightmare. I guess I should have listened to my mom. She always said not to watch scary movies before bed.