Happy Smalllidays in Smallbany.

The countdown to Christmas never fails to awaken the grinch-like hatred within me. I don't know why everybody puts so much emphasis on the importance of family. Really, every family is similar, the only difference is in how you handle the dysfunctional members. Universally speaking, every family has the creepy uncle who holds his hug just a little too long, the mindless grandparent trying to take a photo on what they think is a camera but is actually a piece of fruit, the angry christmas present receiver and the alcoholic Aunt/Uncle whose only festive touch to the evening is the fact that their nose looks like Ruldolph's. This is also the time of the year to confirm your beliefs that your family doesn't know you any better than they do the boy down the street who lives in his basement. At this years secret santa, I'm fully expecting a Christmas ornament in the shape of an Etnies sneaker and pen that doubles as a voice recorder.

The one thing I will say, is that unlike many other families, mine is openly dysfunctional. It's almost a perk having a "broken" family. Jumping from crack to crack like a spelunker of my own demise, I can freely investigate everything thats ever been swept under the rug. It's families around my neighborhood and in my town who are clearly one big secret mess. They're standing on glass thinner than the ice of newly frozen puddles. Like a hoarder living in secret filth, these families tiptoe around so carefully as to not disturb the squalor that is their existence. All the fake Guilderland moms and dads and kids already brimming with too much pride to admit their dysfunction. The feelings they're forced to hide will pool in the divots of their brains and fester with mold like fruit gone bad. Fruit flies circling above their heads are sure to keep them up at night. But as for me and many others who aren't afraid to embarrass themselves to the extreme by hiding nothing, we sleep quietly through the night with our problems laid out before us ripe and free of fruit flies. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!