stop chiefing on that.....poop?

Last month, I was really rooting for the end of the world. 
A renewal is in need.
The spring cleaning of our planet will be it's extinction.
For those of you who think that things are going good, just reminisce.   
-Bush was elected president...TWICE
-Snooki probably makes more money in one year than your entire family makes in a lifetime. But let's face it, she probably works harder than your family too. Snooki's vagina is in a hell of a lot worse shape than your fathers calloused hands.
Maybe your fathers permanently dirty hands are living timelines of hard work and years gone past, but Snooki's face is a walking charade of gullibility. She believed all of those tanning salons that mentioned the term "natural glow" in passing. 

-Justin Beiber is living proof that you can be a sex symbol/millionaire before your balls or voice has dropped. 
-WOMEN like chris brown even though he beat up a WOMAN. 
-Iowa has accepted gay marriage before New York
-Fish swim in oil oceans. 
But I think what most indicates this world's desperate need for renewal is its contemporary drug use. 
I think the term "if it ain't broke, don't fix," it applies to this situation. 
Heroin, weed, crack, cocaine, meth, prescription pills, acid, mushrooms, ecstasy and PCP are great classics. They're easy enough to find so that your unsuspecting suburbanite neighbor can discreetly  smoke/snort/swallow/eat/shoot drugs after the children are tucked in and it's cheap enough so that the homeless bum on the sidewalk can live the "high" life.  
But somewhere in-between paying for water, the creation of dub-step and fighting a war for a million reasons misunderstood by the general public, things started to get weird. Shooting up heroin in bathroom stalls and running from the "CIA" high on meth wasn't hitting the spot anymore. 
Desperate kids and adults are looking for new ways to get high/resorting to old ways that have previously been discarded by smarter druggies. 
New and unimproved ways to get high. 
1) Licking toad venom.
2) Smelling really hot poop
3) Eating rotten cheese
4) Drinking rubbing alcohol
5) Drinking the pee from people who had previously eaten hallucinogenic mushrooms. Why not just skip the pee step and eat the mushrooms first-hand? I wonder.
6) snorting bath salts. 
7) choking yourself.  
8) huffing moth balls
Sniffing poop to get high should act as a silent alarm/automatic world reset button. The second someone voluntarily stuffs their nose into a pile of feces and breathes in the scent, the world should explode, wait a couple of months, and then start over. 
So if you find your son hunched over with his face buried into a pair of his grandmothers soiled depends underwear, Don't yell at him. Don't hit him. Don't send him to the fmaily therapist. Don't even try and stop him. Just sit back, take a few deeps breaths and relax as you wait for the world to end.