Sex isn't for everybody (women)

My brother has been calling me a lesbian for years now. He thinks that because I advocate for women's rights, that I also advocate for women's vaginas. But finally, it dawned on me, women can't do everything that men can. There is one area that men handle much better than women, and that is sex.
Cosmopolitan magazine is famous for running articles about sex, women, and flexible women who have sex. Thousands of their articles and magazine covers are dedicated to helping couples improve their love lives, but I think Cosmo is going about helping readers all wrong. If the magazine really wanted to help it's readers, it would publish an article titled, "Women Should Never Have Sex." The article would go on to explain the various pitfalls of having sex with a woman and all of the benefits it doesn't have to offer. 
Women should have a mental health evaluation before losing their virginity. The test will be administered by women who HAVE had sex and HAVE NOT lost their sanity afterwards. There will be no questions on the exam such as, "Did you grow up in a good neighborhood," "Did you go to a private school" or, "Were your parents happily married?"  With regards to sex, the answers to these questions mean nothing. Women with clean pasts are not exempt from the sex-based insanity that plagues so many. To gauge a woman's sexual sanity, ask her an untraditional question. "Did your last partner file a restraining order against you?"                                                                                                  
As I have mentioned in a previous post, no activity that can be replicated using a hot dog and a donut is that serious. In fact, it's quite funny. People being naked; funny. Weird noises; funny. Pelvic thrusting; very funny. Yet, it's not uncommon to watch a woman transform from smart, funny and assertive to naive, psychotic and spineless in the weeks/months that follow sex. 
The symptoms of sexual insanity are: 
1) False Hope. Women with sexual insanity often hold on to every last bit of hope and falsely assume that their relationship is worth saving. 
2) Chronic Low-Battery. Obsessively checking their phone hoping to see a missed call or text from their "lover."
3) Loss of Friends. Friends sink lower on their totem pole of importance as the infected girl becomes more serious about her career as a stalker. 
4) Over-Abundance of Unnecessary Knowledge: The girl knows where the guy is at all times, has seen his new profile picture before anyone else and has kept close tabs on suspicious wall posts from other women.                                                      
If gone untreated, sexual insanity can lead to:
1) Dating a loser for a prolonged period of time. False perceptions of grandeur in a loser are not uncommon. 
2) Becoming a stay-at-home mom. The disease causes women to lose sight of their aspirations once it infects the core of their brain. 
3) Adultery. The man, seeing the woman's pathetic obsession with him, believes that he can get away with cheating. He knows she will give him a second chance...and a third.....and a seventh. Suddenly, the woman is caught in a love triangle. 
4) AIDS. A result of all the unprotected sex happening in the love triangle.


By combatting AIDS and sexual insanity in the article titled, "Women Should Never Have Sex," Cosmo would be killing two birds with one stone.