Can You Guess The Breed?

An interesting breed of human has emerged. Though their origin is not yet confirmed, social scientists believe the breed came from an assortment of highly taxed suburbs. Social observation has shown that the humans are extremely primative and lacking in speech development. 

Chest bumps, high fives, grunts and loud bursts of unnecessary laughter seem to be their only means of communicating. Body language experts are being brought in to try and assign meaning to these apparently meaningless behaviors. 

Although national security has deemed the breed too undeveloped to pose any real danger, they are urging citizens to beware of their weapons. Doctors originally assumed that the specimens were born with sticks attached to their hands, but further research has disproved this theory. Doctors discovered that the breed voluntarily carries around large sticks with small butterfly nets attached to the ends. Interestingly, observers have yet to see them do anything except walk around with the stick and occasionally deep-throat it. 

They appear only to have 2 skills: They can throw a small ball with some accuracy and manufacture their own Roofalin. The breeds minimal skill level has done nothing to hurt their self-esteem. Although these stick carriers appear primitive, hunch-backed and monkey-like, they have insane amounts of confidence and believe all women are attracted to them. It has been observed that if denied by a woman, they will resort to date-rape and tea-bagging. After such sexual victories, the breed high fives their sticks and makes gay jokes. Their odd treatment of women, constant gay bashing and contradictory homoerotic behavior led psychologists to a conclusion: This is an all gay breed.  

Until further research has been conducted, Professionals are urging citizens to stay away from the breed. Watch for large packs of men carrying sticks, sporting tiny boners and screaming FAGGOT. To avoid the breed, stay away from freshly mowed fields and frat parties. 

Scientists predict that the new breed will eventually beat each other to death with their sticks. Extinction is near and people are looking forward to it. For now, professionals are referring to the temporary breed as case #1002398374856 or, "The Lax Bros."