Love is Blind; and Annoying

Dating has a tendency to bring out the worst in people. My feelings on relationships are similar to my feelings on religion; I don't hate it, I just hate peoples (mis)interpretations of it. Obsession is confused with love. Possessiveness is confused with caring. Doggie-style is confused with passion. Everyone is very confused. 
Love really is kind of like a drug, but not in any of the fun ways. Being in love/in a relationship has the ability to make people appear psychotic, paranoid and out of control. Instead of scrounging around for bits of leftover crack rock, people in relationships are scrounging for suspicious text messages, "i love you too's" and bouquets of flowers, (just because.) 
The first step to not embarrassing yourself is knowing what not to do in a relationship.
My own personal pet peeves of the average couple:
The back pocket hold: The female puts her hand into the males back pocket. The male puts his hand into the females back pocket. This forms an ass-based body lock and can usually be witnessed in Crossgates Mall. 
The pinky hold: For some people, holding hands is just too tiring. To save energy, some couples just hold onto each other by loosely intertwining their pinkies. This too can be witnessed in Crossgates Mall. For a guaranteed sighting, go to the food court. 
Letting the boy drive your car: Unless YOU ASK HIM to drive your car, this is the first sign that you've become someones bitch. If he knew how to drive at all, he wouldn't need to drive your car because he would have a license/his own car to drive. 
PDA: It's not cute, everyone hates it and it doesn't make people think you're irresistible to one another. If anything, it makes me wonder if you're boyfriend has erectile dysfunction/is gay or your girlfriend has some sort of dry vagina disorder. If you're confident with yourself/sex life you don't need to put it on display by trying to prove something. It makes you look stupid and it makes me wonder if the only action you're getting is in front of a group of strangers.
Liking something because they like it. If your boyfriend likes to eat turkey sandwiches and watch anime porn, you don't have to follow in his footsteps. He gets to date himself for the fifteen minutes a day that he's masturbating. The other minutes of the day are dedicated to dating a real live girl who isn't trying to be his clone. 
Facebook relationship status': Not understanding why so many people are pretending to be husband and wife. Liking someone a whole lot isn't the equivalent to being married. 
Bragging: Telling me how hot your mans body is or how he loves it when you stick a couple fingers in his ass is not something I particularly care about. 

Laps seats: Don't sit on your lover's lap when there are chairs available. It's weird and cuts off circulation to the legs.
Housing: It's not uncommon for couples dabble in the real estate of each others assholes. They sometimes build small homes in there. Good luck trying to hang out with a friend who's got a new boyfriend. You'll have to wade through a lot of literal shit to see her.
TMI: I don't want to know what songs you listen to while you're having mediocre sex in his parents house. It really ruins the song for me. 
Pure and unadulterated dysfunction: If you're on again off again, do us all a favor and just stay off again. 
If you're confused about any of these annoying relationship characteristics, just go to crossgates food court, sit nearest to the taco bell, and observe.