Monday, October 24, 2011

these are a few of my favorite things



Sugar On Cereal And Yelling At Strangers
Watching Roseanne And Hermione Granger
When Ashley Simpson Pretended To Sing
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things


Confetti Frosting And Offensive Doodles
Grape Juice And Midgets And Standing Up Poodles
Gold-Digging Whores Who Go Dizzy For Rings
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things


Guys With Long Hair And Radical Fascists
Popping A Blackhead And Harmless Car Crashes
Horrible Sex Stories Of Mid Summer Flings
These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things


When The Llamas Spit
When The Dub Step Plays
When I'm Feeling Sad
I Simply Remember My Favorite Things
And Then I Don't Feel So Bad.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

see the amazing monkey



Please come one
Please come all
Come see our monkey
His name is Paul


He does front flips
And back flips 
And side acts
And clever quips 


He'll do anything
To make you laugh
Anything for a prize
Peanuts, praise or some cash


But sometimes the peanuts
Get stuck in his hair
And he begins to feel silly 
For working in the fair


The monkey goes home
And takes off his tie
And hangs up his vest
And lets out a sigh 


Seems he has no substance
He's not strong like Poseidon 
A monkey in a funny hat
He's no one to confide in 


Cause he's only good for dancing
And only good to sing 
And to drown in the dunking booth
And to make him jump through rings 


Maybe tonight 
He'll hang up his suit
Jump a train leaving town
Throw out his dancing shoes


Or maybe tonight
After the fair has cleared
He'll practice his routine
The sounds of crickets got him scared. 



Monday, October 10, 2011

Poor, poor white kids.

Facebook; It should be used for what it was intended:
a) Stalking “friends” who don’t know you exist.
b) Making fun of people from behind the computer screen.
c) Uploading pictures to make your life look cooler than it really is.
And not used for: 
a) Religious opinions. 
b) Political debates. 
c) “Modeling portfolio.” 
Facebook indicates that over a decades worth of education has fallen on deaf ears; The deafest being young white people. 
More than a few of my unnamed Facebook “friends” have begun using Facebook as a medium to relay their political and racial beliefs. 
Week after week I see privileged white people complain about something they refer to as, “Reverse Racism.” 
“BLACK PEOPLE HAVE B.E.T, WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A WHITE ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK. BLACK PEOPLE ARE RACIST.” 
Years of history classes and inborn common sense would deter even a stupid person from this kind of thinking. But maybe I’m too quick to judge these poor white people targeted by BET and America’s heavy duty storm of reverse racism. Maybe these kids were absent during the days when we learned about racial things. Things like:
White Americans enslaving black people for hundreds of years.
or black people being considered only 3/5ths a person.
or Jim Crowe Laws. 
or the Civil Rights Movement. 
or people getting sprayed with fire houses and attacked by dogs in the fight for equality. 
or Rosa Parks. 
or lynchings. 
or the word nigger. 
I’m just assuming that no one in their right mind would want to watch the hypothetical “White Entertainment Television.” We don't need W.E.T for the same reason we don’t need a heterosexual alliance. 
What would that network even consist of?
-A brief history in time of our founding fathers?
-Documentaries of hairy faces and bear bellies toting guns out into the woods to kill and eat squirrels. 
-The offensive nature of the word “Cracker.” 
-QVC-esk broadcasts that sell Toms toothpaste and Barry Manilow CD’s. 
-Laguna Beach re-runs 
It’s human nature to want attention from any endured suffering. As people, there is an always-there desire for recognition. Unfortunately, Facebook tells me that there are a number of white people who can’t quite accept that, “Caucasian” is not yet a race worthy of recognition. That's not to say that white individuals are not worthy of recognition. Getting an A on your paper, helping an old lady cross the street, starting your own organization against racism or shaving your vagina without awakening a fury of red bumps. These things all deserve some kind of high five or pat on the back. But like the past of yourself, the past of your race can bind you with a bad reputation. 
            The white race is kind of like a girl who started giving blow jobs in 7th grade, moved onto anal in 8th and earned herself a pretty well-deserved reputation as a whore by the time high school rolled around. The whore has to learn some lessons, slow down on the road head and wait a number of years until she can even begin to earn a new reputation. 
            If black pride apparel, bumper stickers or one entertainment network is all that these Facebook people can scrounge up and rename as racism, they should consider themselves extremely lucky. After this reconsidering, these people should then delete their Facebook’s, and then delete themselves in general. The world won’t be missing too much. I’m able to say this with some confidence after I realized that most of these “victims of reverse racism” are also young know-nothings who have adopted the ill-made opinions of their parents. 
            They are the self-proclaimed heros working dead end jobs and forming dead end opinions as they deliver a plate of sliders to a table of black people with a smile and then later refer to them a bunch of niggers. They are the most useless freedom fighters that have ever existed, for what freedoms are they fighting for that haven't already been handed to them on a silver platter?